Healing Old Wounds

Tell the truth. If I were to check out your closet of skeletons I would probably find a broken heart. There is always the ghost of the one who got away, or the one you made a complete fool of yourself for for love. For some, it was the first one who claimed your virginity with an oath never to love another only to love many more. Then of course, there is the one you mistreated in the idleness of your youth.

No matter what the case may be, past relationships can leave injuries to the heart that never quite heal. We are tempted at times to peek into our own closet of ghosts to revisit those old loves to see have they changed, evolved into what we wished they would have been. We close the door in disappointment beating ourselves for wondering. The wound oozes, seeming as fresh as the day it was born.

The song says "What becomes of the broken hearted?"

There are several choices: an angry hard hearted person looking for love in all the wrong places or a person continually feeling unloveable because THE ONE you wanted love from did not share your feelings.

I have a wound from an ex who was not truly an ex. It's complicated as most relationships that do not work out are. After years of living separate lives, I believed we could be friends. Older and wiser with life lessons learned, I believed the new improved me lived in the present and the past was in the past.

The problem. In my mind and heart, the ex has been petrified in time. I only see and hear the old version. There is no lust or hope for a relationship there, but all of the faults and shortcomings scream out. Now, whose problem is this; mines or his?

The problem of wounds that do not heal belongs to the person with the wounds. We all carry battle scars; it's part of living. But lost loves and past loves should just be that: PAST. I won't win a prize for being able to be in the ex'es presence without any residual emotion. It is not important prize to win. Ex'es are ex'es for a reason -- they were not the one. And since love relationships should be built on friendships, its safe to assume that there is no hope for friendship.

Now I'm talking about bad breakups, no amicable ones. I'm not talking about unforgiveness, because forgiveness of others is essential to peace. I am talking about wounds and scars of the heart. Revisiting the holder of the knife or gun is never a good thing and should be approached with caution. I am talking about taking care of yourself first in a healthy way.

Until you reach the point where you wish the ex well in life whether that includes you or not; stay away! Even then you may come to realize wishing them well actually does not include you because you are not the one they want in that capacity. Everyone deserves to be loved passionately and unconditionally. Returning to an ex only blocks that person in your future waiting to love you the first go round.

Back to ex'es as friends. Do I really need another friend? Do I really need an ex as a friend? There was no interest in me or my life the first go round and I have no interest presenting for a second time a new improved me for appraisal.

I am thankful this particular wound that will not heal is one and not several. I've met many more men who did not wound me. It was one knife, one time, one person. Ever seen someone with multiple gunshot wounds? I think you would tell them not to be around the shooter. We live, we learn, we live some more. The best we can ever hope for is not to live in the pain of yesterday nor the fear of tomorrow, but the reality of today. Today there is not a knife or gun.