SEX: The Christian Marriage and the men who love it

I have taken many courses on Marriage Counseling from the secular and Christian perspective. Both agree that sex is an important component in marriage and can cause stress and strain on a marriage. Intimacy is held in high regard in both sectors of teaching on marriage. There is a major difference between the two camps of teaching on sex in marriage. The Christian aspect on marriage is that a wife can never decline to have sexual relations with her husband.

"The husband should fulfill his marital duties to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by MUTUAL CONSENT and for a time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I SAY THIS AS A CONCESSION, NOT AS A COMMAND." 1 Corinthians 7:3-6.

Without hesitation a Christian husband will say a Christian wife cannot deny a husband sex; it is her duty because her body does not belong to herself. I wrote the complete passage on the subject, but it seems that Christian men rather not read the entire passage.

One of my professors stated that when a Christian couple comes in for counseling due to infidelity on the husband's part, the first question he asks the woman is "Did you keep him sexually satiated?" I was stunned by this **it must be said that I was the only female in this class and my shock was singular* The instructor went on to explain that is why Paul instructed women not to deny their husband's sex, because Satan would tempt a sexually starved man to cheat and thus it is her shortcoming for her husband's sexual appetite not being fulfilled on demand by the wife. If the man was getting steak at home every night he could pass the enticing aroma of steak eminating from another house as he passed by on his way home each night. Shock was soon replaced by sadness.

On AFR radio I heard the host and a doctor of psychology discussing sex in the Christian marriage and how a wife is commanded by God not to deny her husband. A sexually satisfied man is able and freed to become the head of his household because sex destresses him and makes him feel more like a man; a duty of the wife.

The men went on to explain how women just do not get how important sex is to a man. The expert went on to recount an experience he had with his own wife on a Thursday night. He walked into the kitchen one night and saw his wife loading the dishwasher. As she bent over loading the dirty dishes he said "Do you know what I'm thinking?" She replied "Yes, I do and we were just together Tuesday, it's just Thursday."

The two men chuckled and went on to explain how flattering it should be to a wife to be desired at all times by her husband. ***My husband was with me listening to this radio pragram and wanted to turn the channel. I don't know if it was due to shame or because he knew I was beginning to get angry at what I was hearing.***

The men said a wife just does not understand how wonderful her husband would feel after working all day to support her and the family in the stressful job market to come home to a woman who had been waiting all day to have sex with him. After having served him a wonderful meal and ushered the kids to bed to have her smelling good and awaiting him in the bed would encourage him in his role as head of the household as God intended.

Another professor I had who actually did marriage counseling as a career stated, when a man entered into the session and began to list what the Bible states the duties of a Christian wife are, he stops him and tells the husband to tell him how HE fulfills his biblical duties as a husband and not discuss his wife's shortcomings. HORRAH for him. *He was may favorite Marriage and Family instructor.

I wanted to write a book telling women they have the right to do with their bodies as they please, but there is no misinterpretation of that Scripture. God intended for the couple not to with hold sex from each other. In Corinth adultry was rampant and Paul wanted to try to help the Christian marriage survive this influence, so he instructed them to fulfill sexual needs within the marriage. If the couple works together and discusses what works for them in the bedroom then of course this would create intimacy and respect for each other. Paul stated that this was a suggestion and not a command; which is the important part of the equation. God stated that a couple was to become as one, so the woman's body and the husband's body was not two separate entities but one. Somehow, they would have to manage the sexual aspect of marraige with respect and consideration not hurting and neglecting each other.

What if a man was told to eat when he was not hungry because it would make his wife feel more like a woman? Wouldn't that man soon develop an avesion to food? What if he was watching a football game and the woman just looked at him and said "I would like for you to eat this meal out of the blue? Would he think she was crazy? What indication had he given her that he was even hungry? What if her womanhood was wrapped up in whether he declined to eat? How about if the man is sick? Should a woman be pushing meals on him? When is a sexual request out of order for the man?

A young Christian married couple still newlyweds, marriage crumbled over sex. An amorous husband found his wife irresistable after she had dressed to go to a meeting. On her way out of the door, he wanted a quick sexual encounter. The wife promised to return as early as possible to come back to satisfy his husbandly urges. Knowing and having been taught a wife should not deny her husband sexually, he became upset and decided to go to a strip club.

This left the young bride with much turmoil. Her refusal to her Christian husband led him to seek sexual satisfaction elsewhere outside of the marriage. The pastor in which they saught counseling from accepted her repentence for her sin and said maybe she may need to leave her blossoming law career if it was going to cause conflict in her marriage. The couple divorced within the year. The young woman wrestled with her sin for 2 more years and the husband has married and divorced 2 more times since his marriage to her.

I said all of this to say: Christian husbands - you should hear what your wives say in whispered voices about their DUTY of having sex on demand to other women. Slavery demands its property to fulfill duties whether they want to or not. The punishment for not fulfilling sexual duties is to be told you are not a Christian wife. It is sad to know all other efforts at being a good Christian and a good Christian wife can be cancelled by just not wanting to have sex on demand. Depression ensues and aversion to the sex act grows. Practiced shows of intimacy and submission is the outcome. Anger finds root because the husband does not even recognize or do not care about the lack of enthusiasm the woman is showing about the sex act. All she is needed to do is to show up.

This is not the case in many Christian marriages, but horror stories exist. The test is if a man is saying: "It is the woman's duty" or "her body does not belong to herself" there may be a problem. When you are reminding someone "you must do this" you are going to have a problem.

I believe men and women should have more open conversations about sex in Christian marriage without the threat of being called "not a Christian." Women should start these groups and invite the men to hear "the real talk about sex in Christian marriages." God knows the heart of everyone. Hypocrisy is not one of His favorite traits. How can this divide be bridged. SEX is beautiful, can remain beautiful, and is God ordained. Christians should be leading the way in happy healthy sexual relationships.