Good Friday?

Today is a day of remembrance. A time in which Christians reflect back to a day of torture and torment for one man proclaiming a new way of life; a new life after death.

He began a ministry to the poor, the rejected, the disabled, the ostrasized, and included women in a way society had never allowed. He railed against those religious leaders who misused their position of power (Matthew 23:13-29):

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the kingdom of heaven in men’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to.”

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when he becomes one, you make him twice as much a son of hell as you are.”

“Woe to you, blind guides! You say, ‘If anyone swears by the temple, it means nothing; but if anyone swears by the gold of the temple, he is bound by his oath.’ You blind fools! Which is greater; the gold, or the temple that makes the gold sacred? You also say, ‘If anyone swears by the altar, it means nothing; but if anyone swears by the gift on it, he is bound by his oath. You blind men! Which is greater: the gift, or he altar that makes the gift sacred? Therefore, he who swears by the altar swears by it and by everything on it. And he who swears by the temple swears by it and by the one who dwell in it. And he who swears by heaven swears by God’s throne and by the one who sits on it.”

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law---justice, mercy, and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.”

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisees! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.”

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men’s bones and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.”

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You build tombs for the prophets and decorate the graves of the righteous. And you say, ‘If we had lived in the days of our forefathers, we would not have taken part with them in shedding the blood of the prophets.’ So you testify against yourselves that you are the descendants of those who murdered the prophets. Fill up, then, the measure of the sin of your forefathers!”
“You snakes! You brood of vipers! How will you escape being condemned to hell?”

Jesus' ministry was a ministry of life, of everyday living. It was not something adorned every morning or displayed in the presence of others; it was who you were day in and day out, a life style.

We say on this day that it was 'good' such a man came, gave his life to show us a better way. But many of us do not choose to live the exampled way of salvation. We pick and choose what we want to do as it fits into our chosen life style. We adjust the ministy of Jesus to parallel our lives instead of adjusting our lives to parallel Jesus' ministry. This is why and how we have so many interpretations of the Bible and so many different denominations.

On this day of the ultimate final blood sacrifice we should reflect on what we. as Christians. have gained through the death and resurrection of Jesus.

1. We have been freed from the excuse, "It is too difficult and impossible to live a Christian life on earth."
2. We have gained the knowledge and joy that true persecution isn't a couple of people talking about you or sneering at you when you pray or worship God, but persecution is the ultimate price of death; which we do not encounter in the United States.
3. We have the assurance that this life does hold its pitfalls and sadness for all who inhabit it, Christian and non-Christian alike, but Christians awake to a brighter day after death of splendor and glory.
4. We have learned that with righteous choices in life, comes great opposition and fear. You can be heralded on one day and dispised by the masses the next day. It is the heart of forgiveness that enables compassion and peace. Jesus and Stephen uttered powerful words as they were murdered by the masses: "Forgive them Father for they know not what they do."
5. Finally, you have a clear purpose for your life above all other purposes. You have been given the task and ability to show others the way to salvation. This is an honor and priveledge which unites all Christians in brotherhood. All other purposes pale in comparison to this purpose.

It was the willingness of Jesus and his followers to choose an unpopular life style, to endure the threat of death, and to say: "no matter what is going on around me, I choose God," this stance allowed Christianity to grow, flourish, and last for centuries. Justice, mercy, and faithfulness in everyday living is more effective than any speech given by today's Christian.

As everyone prepares their Easter finest suit, dress, and hat; as Easter eggs are dyed and meals are prepared, as church building fill to over flowing, it will be the daily life style lived by the individual that will speak to all the on-lookers.

Will their response be:"Woe to you, you blind guides, you hypocrites?"

RUSH LIMBAUGH and PHILIPPIANS 4:8-9

When President Clintin was in office and Rush Limbaughhad just begun his nightly t.v. show, I used to watch him and laugh at his sense of humor. I found him clever and witty. The critical comments that he made, were just and the comment everyone was thinking but not saying. I saw him as a loveable, even jolly television host where you could go to to get a good laugh.

Years passed and his success grew. It grew to almost cult standing. People were following Howard Stern and other shock jocks and Limbaugh was more akin to them. People listened and laughed like those that now follow John Stewart and Stephen Colbert on the Colbert Report.

Then it happened. Power began to corrupt. He decided to take charge of his listeners instead of entertaining them. He has demanded actions and responses from his followers. He makes true politicians apologize to him for any misdeeds he finds offensive. He has the ears of politicians and America. This is a grave responsibility. One not to be taken lightly.

Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Teresa, and Ghandi had power. They insisted upon actions and responses from those who supported them, But-------.(You know the rest of the story)

Jesus had power. Power to kill and power to save.What choice did he make?

In the book of Hebrews, chapter 11, there is a Biblical Hall Of Fame. The names of Christians who did extrordianry things in ordinary and extraordinary times.

Each day we awake we have a decision to make. Do I do good for me, do I do good for others, do I do good for myself and others and the polar opposite- do I do bad (evil)for me, do I do bad to others, do I do bad for myself and others? We may not realize we are making these choices each day, but we are.

If this question was posed to Rush Limbaugh and to his millions of listeners, I am sure they would say he is doing good for others. I would like you to know, he is not doing good for me.

When he played the song "Barack the Magic Negro" I was speechless. When he stated Health Care Reform was reparations for blacks I was furious (you mean to claim my reparations I would have to be sick), and today as he continues with his radio show there is no doubt that he is trying to incite a race war. A war in which blacks are not participating in.

I wonder can Limbaugh actually convince white people that President Obama is trying to make ammends for the ills of slavery through legislation? I have not been asked if I wanted any ammends for slavery. I haven't participated in any such discussion. I do not even know of any organization - grass roots or otherwise-- asking President Obama to get "people back" for the injustices of slavery.

POWER. How does it invade ones soul and take up residence? I tell my kids it takes a lot of effort to feed anger. Your time has to be consumed with giving it ample material for it to feed upon. Bitterness, hate, contempt, and all other emotions that distort love are not of Christ.

That is why the bible says in Philippians 4:8-9:

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.

So let me lead by example. Rush Limbaugh is a talented communicator. He is able to size up his audience and deliver exactly what they want as any public speaker knows is rule #1. He researches thoroughly the topic points he wants to maximize. He uses body language at all times on camera and off. HIS tone, inflection and word emphasis are an art form. He has honed his God given talent into a multimillion dollar career and could mentor masses on how to never give up until you succeed. He is an American success story. I would greatly enjoy witnessing his performance in public. If I am as good as a communicator as he is, I will be more than pleased.

I pray for him and his millions of listeners, not for him to change what he is doing, but to consider; who am I helping today? I hope his listeners will follow the Bible passage to find what is good in Rush Limbaugh's radio show. Hopefully, he and his listeners can hear the spirit of Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Teresa, and Ghandi in everything they listen to and participate in.

It is then, only then, when we feed PEACE that we will be bearers of peace and at peace within ourselves no matter what is occurring around us.

Alice In Wonderland

Today I went to the movies to watch what I hoped would be a visual extravaganza. Johnny Depp has proven to be a box office darling and I was expecting magic from him. Wonderful, child friendly previews lit up the screen. I was prepared to laugh or at least smile like a child once again at a fairy tale brought to life. The show began with a flashback of a young blond girl fightened by a recurring nightmare being soothed by a loving father and moved to the present scene of a wee young pale girl in a horse drawn carriage with her mother. It was only downhill from there.

As my family exited the movie theater, there were no comments being made about the movie. After about ten minutes I broke the silence by quoting Tyra Banks from America's Next Top Model: "It is never a good thing to hear silence after your photos have been reviewed. You rather that the judges loved them or hated them--never silence."

The crtique began. The Mad Hatter was not quirky and crazy but a person with a true mental illness. It was an adult type mental illness that was not humorous at all. The only funny thing attributed to the Mad Hatter was the wonderful dance that he did at the end of the movie.

To say the movie was a let down would be generous. The gorgeous and wonderfully creative Queen did not make me boo for her or root for her. I was indifferent. The White Queen was flacky and spaced out. She could never lead me.

The one lesson I learned from the movie was to make sure to blind all enemies.

The positive note is that the colors were vibrant and the castle and characters were not overdone. But for me, the movie was a total flop. Jonny Depp was bland. It was an adult movie. Children could not have followed the story line well, but their attention could have been maintained through the colofullness of the material on the big screen.

I have seen many adaptations of the story, but I admit I never read the book. I never liked the concept of the story or the lack there of, too much, so I may be a harsh critic. The only other children's story I like less than Alice In Wonderland is Winny The Poo.



But take the chance and go see it for yourself and let me know if I was way off base with my review. I am intrested in finding out whether or not the Depp misled you on this one too.

Abortion, Christianity, Moral Legislation

Going home from a long journey, I came upon a rairoad track with the white bars down and red lights flashing. I had been there before many times. I automatically turned off my engine in preparation for a long wait for the rusty, grafitti drawn cargo train to pass by slowly. I pulled my visored mirror down to pass the time examining the pores on my face.

Across the tracks from me, a white mustang came to a halt. I noticed the passenger looking impatiently frmo left to right scanning the train tracks for the promised approaching train. After three minutes, the young female zig-zagged passed the lowered cautionary barrier of flashng red lights; cell phone in hand to her ear; and a smile on her face.

A large silver F150 truck approached me from the rear on my left, passed me, and zig-zagged pass the secured train tracks. The male driver barely paused before illegally crossing the tracks.On my right I noticed a gray car which had crossed the tracks at an unofficial entrace point to the train tracks and was traveling down (parallel)the legnth of the tracks to get to the extention of highway my parked car was headed towards. The stopped car in front of me noticed this maneuver and tried to retrace the path of the gray car in the opposite direction;looking for the exit point.

It was 2::30 p.m. Too late to go to work and too early to be leaving work. I wondered where were all of these people going to in such a hurry as I sat in my car at the empty railroad tracks.

My mind flooded with the scenes of cars mangled by trains from news broadcast. The anchor person would comment "A suicide attempt" or "A car stalled on the tracks." This was the case for not one of the cars that disobeyed the law of the protected railroad tracks.

I could hear the wails of parents and loved ones "Why God? Why did you do this to my child? Why me? Why him?" God had nothing to do with these decisions and would have been blameless.

My mind turned to a more darker thought. If a train would have struck one of those vehicles, the flying debris could hit me and consequntly kill me. People would say, "She was in the wrong place at the wrong time. A freak accident."

I witnessed several people who had no regard for their own life, and thus, no regard for anyone elses life.

Why do we rush through life, living like toddlers in our terrible two's; wanting what we want right now.

People try to legislate morality by implementing laws. We need laws to maintain order. But, we must never think that a law will make someone do what is right. When no one is around to directly enforce the law, people do what they want.

I am a Christian and I believe abortion is wrong. But I know to be made in the image of God "Imago Dei" we must have free will, free choice, just like Adam and Eve had free choice in the Garden of Eden. They of course chose to do wrong and recieved their punishment from God. Women will always choose to have or to abort their child whether there is a legal organization to do the service or not. There have been abortion potions written about since man found the ability to communicate.

I know this will be a controversial statement, but the Presisent does not kill babies; women kill babies. They always have and I am said to say they always will.

Just like the people who crossed the secured railroad tracks one after another, the choice to do wrong, disobey laws, trust your own judgement is what makes us human; flawed, stupid humans with little regard for ourselves or others. The choice was theirsto stop at the railroad tracks or not, the consequences at stake were severe, the fallout would have been horrible.

What would have happened if I had berated them, scolded them, quoted scripture to them, I would have felt better, but my actions probably would have been meaningless. I would have done so if I could have. To love others is not to sit by and watch them do wrong. But I could have only voiced my concern. The rest would have been up to them. The law already exists. The tales of death have been told. It would have still been their decision.

God could have given Adam and Eve a babysitter to ensure they followed His command. He didn't. He wanted them to obey Him on their own accord. He let Adam be Adam and Eve be Eve. He wanted them to make choices; to CHOOSE to obey Him in His presence and out of Hs presence.

To take away a person's right of choice is to make them less than human. People say if we are a nation that condones abortion God will be displeased with us all. I am not a nation. And to think if we (as a nation)do not condone abortion, makes us all Christians, who God is pleased with, is absurd. There is already a law against murder right; one of the Ten Commandments. Doesn't that give us enough favor with God? If all of the commandments were legislated; would our nation then have total and complete favor with God making it unnecessary for personal responsibility for salvation since or nation being favored is so important to the average Christian? There is a long list of sins that America has as a nation. But the murder of babies, seems to be the one sin, if we rid ourselves of, will save us from God's wrath and must be done collectively. Hard to believe isn't it?

Being against abortion is Christian. But making it the nation's standard for salvation is erroneous. Lose one sin pick up another. The battle never ends. Christians would have to stand guard over everyone's potential to sin. Is this actually a Christian's job description as a servant of God. I have heard, "We are protecting those who can't protect themselves." A valid and noble position. But where there is not a heart change, sin abounds. Eternal life is the Good News of Jesus. I have nothing but praise for those who have helpe to change the mind of a mother entering an abortion clinic, but I also know that it was still her choice to sin as a creation of God. Every human creation of God is given a choice to choose right or wrong. Some of those choices just bother us more than others.

On my judgement day, I will stand alone in front of God to answer for my sins. I will be able to say with a clear conscious that I am against abortion. I have no heaven or hell to put anyone in.

We all want the best for every human including those who never had a chance to live. But what do we do when no one is looking? What have we to repent about? From the day we were born till now, would we have encurred the wrath of God. If the nation depended on our siless lives would America be doomed?

We feel good when we save a life. But how did we affect the heart of the person considering aborting the child? Did we convert them to Christianity? Or did we do an action to put another jewel in our crown? Was saving a physical life more important than saving a spiritual life?

Jesus ministered on earth for three years (at least) without one picket sign. It was Judas who wanted to change or overthrow the government and He believed Jesus was not concerned enough with the politics at hand.

The bottom line is "What regard do we have for life and can I force anyone to have regards about their life or the life of others?" I am ultimately responsible for only my own choices.

In total; 5 cars went through th flashing warning barriers. I sat there all aloe for at least 15 minutes. Finally, a official truck from the light company came to check a little shack next to the tacks and flagged me through, cross the tracks. I tured on my car and proceeded cautiously over the tracks.

We all have flashing red lights in our life somewhere. Sometimes we are the only one's who pay any attention to them. NARROW IS THE ROAD TO RIGHTEOUSNESS. This statement seems to fall on death Christian ears. Could it be the fact "If I have to do right; dog-on-it so so everyone else." Or have some Christians fallen for the incorrect belief that heaven is on earth and we can legislate a sin free world?

Our country may have been founded on Christian beliefs, but it is not a Christian country or it would be called Heaven instead of the United States.

Jacquette: Breath of Beauty Interview

1. I decided to go natural in 2007. I always thought natural hair was beautiful, but I didn't have any immediate influences and because of that I was extremely nervous about going natural myself. When I finally decided to go natural, I actually built up the courage to do so after a break-up and the need for finding myself....is was a journey well worth the plunge!

2. Before I BC'd, I would tell my family that I was thinking about going natural, and my family wasn't feeling it. My friends were telling me to wait until I had grown my hair out to a longer length before I cut it. At that time, the only person's opinion that meant the world to me was my mom's. I transitioned for four months. The month I decided to just go ahead and cut it all off was the same month as my family reunion, and my mother told me, "well, are you going to get it braided, because I don't want you going to the reunion looking crazy". After I left the salon from getting my BC, I went straight to my mom's house, and when she saw the new me, she had nothing but compliments!

3. I've noticed a MAJOR boost in my confidence. Most black women find beauty in our hair. When we go natural, cutting off all of our hair is the scariest thing next to meeting our maker almost! LOL! Its like, we've identified ourselves with our hair for so long, that when the hair is gone, we loose our sense of identity. Because of this, we have to go on a journey to figure out exactly where our beauty comes from. If its not in our hair, then where? I found beauty in my personality, and in my eyes! I started to see things in myself that I never really noticed until I didn't have my hair to hide behind. Going natural was so humbling and eye opening to me that I often times reference to it as a spiritual journey! My favorite quote is "God don't make no mistakes." And if God chose me to put this texture of hair on my head, who am I not to love it?

4. I love the versatility I have with hairstyles now. I love the texture, the pattern. I am seriously IN LOVE with my hair...lol!

5. I get a lot of compliments now. From men, women, older black people (who are usually more conservative in nature), and even white people! People who never really thought about going natural in my close circle are starting to go natural themselves, and if they haven't taken the leap of faith and cut it all off, they have at least been a lot more conscious about using chemicals and harsh products on they're hair. I've had more conversation with people about treating they're hair (and themselves) as temples and I owe it all to the crown I have atop of my own head!

Interview with Nanci Maynard

The Low Down On Dreadlocks
By: Nanci Maynard aka
The Klingon Princess aka Tyr's Wife


I've been contemplating doing this for a while. After all, I've had dreadlocks for going on ten years now. I first had my dreadlocks done on July 4, 2001.

I live in New York City and I saw a small shop advertised in my neighborhood newspaper. This was convenient because it was within walking distance from me. It was only about three blocks away from where I lived It took me all of ten minutes to get there. Surprisingly the shop was open on a major holiday.

The shop was a small one person operation, run by a lady named Ajasa Olemajoke.

Why did I decide to get dreadlocks? It was NOT because I'd become too lazy to comb my hair! The reason was I suffer from severe migraines and I COULD NOT comb my hair without inflicting severe pain on myself just from combing my hair.

I was tired of wearing it very short, which I did for many years. Because of this I was often mistaken for a boy or a young man or gay. Also my ultra traditionalist West Indian Mom kept getting on my case to “grow and do something with my hair”!

To my Mom doing something with my hair meant either "straightening it or having it permed". Ugh!!

Well, I couldn't stand for my hair to be braided, because some folks braided it too damned tight! And I was “tender headed", which means I had a very sensitive scalp, and it was even worse because of the migraines. So, dreadlocks were the next option.

When I went to her shop, I'd expected Ajasa to cut my hair down to nubs and start “baby locks”. That's what happened to several of my friends who had gotten locks. I had medium length hair, but, she refused to cut it. She washed and proceeded to dread my hair by using beeswax and a rat tailed comb. Remember those?

From start to end when she washed, conditioned, twisted, and sat me [under] the hood dryer, it took about two hours for Ajasa to complete the process. And no, it did not hurt.

Before I left, I was cautioned not to let my hair get wet or wash it, until the next time we met, six weeks later.

At first, like when I first started wearing contacts, no one recognized me. If I had a very poor self image, I would've been insulted, but I wasn't.

Of course, I got the questions, like “Why'd you do THAT to your hair? Why didn't you get braids? You have such a nice quality hair, why would you do THAT to it? Why didn't you do the perm?”

To answer the last question, I had a very bad experience with the perm. Years ago, I was talked into having my hair permed one day, went home, woke up the next day and all of my hair was on the pillow! You can best believe, NO MORE PERMS FOR ME!

The ultimate question was: “Can you take them out?”. I have yet to find a diplomatic way to say “No, you have to cut them all off, and start growing your hair all over again.” When I say that, most folks wince and rock back like I've given them a left hook. . . . .

After having my hair “locked” up, I went back to Ajasa's about six times. About once a month, then I struck out on my own. It was costing me way too much money to have my hair done.

Each time I went to see her, it would cost me $100.00. Plus, I usually gave her a twenty dollar tip. I quickly learned how to wash and twist my own locks and I've been doing it ever since.

Now, I have my own established methods. First, I buy my shampoo and conditioner on sale for around a dollar a bottle, sometimes less if I catch a really hot sale. I usually buy White Rain or VO5. Why? Because it usually takes an entire 15oz bottle to properly wash my mane! Conditioner, I use about a half to three quarters of a bottle each time. So, you can see where just buying shampoo can cost me a good piece of money if I wasn't thrifty. Okay. . . .cheap . . . . . LOL!

After trying several brands of beeswax, I finally settled on ”Murray's“ pure and natural Australian Beeswax, to twist and hold my locks. I also use “Nature's Blessings” Hair Pomade to oil my scalp on a regular basis. We “sisters” must oil our scalp, ya know. . . . Dreads do not look good with dandruff!
Before I sleep I put my hair up in a bun and tie it up in a black stretchy cloth, ( bigger than a "doo rag" ) in order to keep my locks neat and free from lint.

Twisting dreadlocks is a simple process. While they are wet ( I've found that dreads lock best if twisted when wet - yes, I've tried it dry - don't work), you dab some beeswax on the unlocked section of each lock closest to the scalp, and twist counterclockwise. You do this for each and every lock on your head ( if you have one hundred, then you do it one hundred times, etc ), twisting them all in the SAME DIRECTION! This is where the tediousness comes in.

This is also where I don't blame men for abruptly cutting their locks off and opting for either short hair, or braids. In my personal opinion ( I know, who be me? ), a black man looks so very sexy with dreadlocks when they are well-kept!. But, the key words are WELL KEPT! When they start looking like crap, I second the emotion to cut them off, YESTERDAY!

The one well-known male who had dreadlocks and looked drop dead stunning and scrumptious in them was "Keith Hamilton Cobb"! Who dat? He played Tyr Anasazi, on “Andromeda”. Like I tell everyone. Go to Photo Bucket or Google him! Careful, your eyes may fall out!

Back to the subject at hand . . . . . .

Since I've had my hair locked, I've personally cut my hair a total of five times. Having your hair dreadlocks really make one's hair grow like crazy. Why? Because you're not ripping your hair out with a comb or brush, and you're not burning it out with harsh and caustic chemicals.

I usually cut it down from waist length, to shoulder length. I hate doing that, because I feel like I'm cutting off a piece of myself. And I am. Sometimes I cry and suffer intense remorse after doing it. I know, what a wuss am I.

I cut it due to three reasons: 1) It's summer time and my dreadlocks get very hot and very heavy. This is especially for me because I am very physically active. I like to work out and run and I sweat like crazy. 2) Sweaty hair, tends to smell and not too pleasant. My personal theory: If I can smell it, others can too. Which means more washing and maintenance more often. 3) It gets long enough for me to sit on. Now, that is the ultimate last straw!

It's bad enough that when I get on a bus, a baby would reach out and give my locks a good yank! Yep! I've had that happen! I've also had adults do that too! I guess they wanted to know if my hair was real. But, that hurts!

To me, it is a big responsibility to have dreadlocks. I make sure I take care of my locks on a regular basis. Since I don't have the money to go to a shop, I do everything myself. I wash, I towel, I twist, I blow dry or air dry if the weather is warm.

I consider taking care of my hair, my “me” time. I twist my locks while listening to music or the radio. It is relaxing and stress relieving. Usually after I finish twisting my hair, I sleep like a baby.

I've recently reached an impasse where it comes to my “mane”. Since I'm getting older ( aren't we all? ), my hair is turning gray and white in many places. I'm seriously contemplating cutting it way down and re-growing my locks to let them grow back in gray.

Why? Because I don't like two-toned hair, and I REFUSE to “dye” it as some of my friends have suggested. They have not a clue how much hair dye it would take to accomplish that task, and how expensive it would be to maintain that farce. Plus, I no longer put harsh chemicals in my hair.

Whatever my decision is, I am definitely KEEPING my dreadlocks!

You can check out this wonderful lady's portfolio at: http://electladynancy@writing.com

Birth Order Part 1

Most people will try anything to get an upper hand on life. Some resort to astrology to find out how they can better be in control of an unknowable day. Control has been the issue for man throughout history; trying to figure out how to live in a chaotic world. Man perfected the invention of gods that could be coaxed by spells and rituals into doing favorable deeds for him, making him feel more secure and in control. To this unobtainable goal of gaining control of life comes one more tool: understanding one's birth order. I happen to be the "baby" of the family and find the attributes given to "babies" of the family suit me perfectly. I want to share what the scientist have to say about the first born, middle, and baby child of families in three installments.

OLDEST CHILD:

The two factors that owe personality traits to first-born children are: Mom and Dad.
Brand new parents tend to be overprotective, anxious, tentative, and inconsistent on one side and strict in discipline, demanding, always pushing and encouraging more and better performance on the other side. The "first" child is the guinea pig as Mom and Dad try to learn the fine art of parenting.

For the first-born, life is real and life is earnest. He or she is not for surprises, they prefer to know what's happening and when it is going to happen.

They tend to get more attention and notoriety than any other sibling. Anything a first-born child does is a big deal as far as Mom and Dad and other members of the family are concerned. A common characteristic of a first-born child person is his confidence in being taken seriously by those around him. They are known for their strong powers of concentration, tolerance, and patience, and being organized and conscientious. The list also includes:
perfectionistic
reliable
list makers
critical
serious
schalarly
goal oriented
achiever
self-sacrificing
people pleasers
conservative
supporters of law and order
believer in authority and ritual
legalistic
loyal
self reliant

TIPS FOR MAKING BIRTH ORDER WORK FOR FIRST-BORNS

1. Take smaller bites of life. Do not get involved in too many activities at once. Leave time for yourself.
2. Work on saying no. Know your limits. You can't do everything and please everyone.
3. Remember, your parents may have had higher expectations for you than other siblings. It's fine to do a little less and enjoy life a little more.
4. You are know to ask alot of wuestions and want all the details, this is fine, don't apologize for this trait.
5. You are a cautious, careful person. Don't let people pressure you into jumping into when you would prefer to take your time to make a decision.
6. If you are the serious type, try to develop a sense of humor.
7. Never apologize for being conscientious and overorganized.

Being the mother of a typical first-born is an endeavor in patience. She must always "know" everything before she "does" anything. But her need for control and perfection will serve her well as she enters her career.

To all of the first-born children whose parents tied all of their hopes and dreams in, we are sorry for using you as the bench mark for whether or not we were good parents. But, if we failed with the first child, no one could have convinced us that we would have done better with the rest of the children. Parents have a strong need to "get it right" and we do not get practice children. The positive of this parenting experiment is the fact that the first born have leadership skills that can take them a long way in life. Having high expectations are good but should be framed within healthy obtainable goals. Hopefully, parents don't dream the impossiblble dream for their kids, but give them the encouragement to dream for themselves.