What Happy Women Know

I found this great book What Happy Women Know by Dan Baker, Ph.D which I have suggested to people on my 'Get Caught Reading Campaign' on facebook (please join in on the conversation). but there was a great tool in the book I think will free women from some self torture in their lives and it the acronym VERB

V= Victmization
E= Entitlement
R= Rescue
B= Blaming

There has never been a happy victim. We can chose to wallow or get stuck in the heartaches of life and yes, even the tragedies of life or we can find a way to transcend these rough and tumble times and channel it into something that brings meaning to your life or even better, into the lives of others.

Entitlement believes the world owes me/you something. None of us are the center of the universe and thinking so leads to us sitting around being miserable when what we hoped for doesn't come our way. Entitlement is a stunting, passive approach to life.

Rescue is waiting for somebody or something to save you; putting the responsibility onto the shoulders of someone else. You have to rescue yourself from that horrible job or not finding the right mate. You need to make the changes in your own life instead of waiting to be rescued.

Blame unloads a sense of responsibility on someone else.

In the context of revenge you become the victim of your own misery, you feel entitled to something better, you are waiting for someone to rescue you. and you can't wait to lay blame on the person who put you in that position in the first place. Chaapter 5, pages 93-96.

Happy women have to know many things, but the good point is-they are a few simple things.

I think this is a wonderful book and surprise surprise; it is not a male bashing book. It is a book more focused on how much of your energy are you going to expend on things and people that does not make you happy.

I learned how to quilt, bake, trying to can fruits, and other things because it was what all of the other women around me did and seemed happy doing. I hated quilting and baking and all of the other things that were suppose to define me as a woman and I went through the VERB dance feeling like a victim, I was entitiled to a better life that did not include sewing and sweating in a hot kitchen, I wanted my husband to rescue me and say 'oh, honey, I think you are just as much of a woman even if you can't do all of those things', and blaming myself for living in the community I actually loved and felt safe in raising my children in. Was I happy? Not in the least. Could I have been happy? Absolutly.

Happy women understand the importance of having personal power, which means their lives belong to them, and no one was holding a gun to my head telling me to quilt or can fruit. And I learned I had many more qualities that fulfilled my definition of what a woman was/is and it is a very satisfying list to/for me