True Power

True Power

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Past Imperfect

Last year while talking to a male friend of mine in Seminary, he told me how much he loved Facebook and he had hundreds of friends who he kept in touch with. Many of his friends were people he had met while serving in the Army. This notion of people I had met while in the Army sent chills up my spine. I told him I would not want the people I had known while in the Army contacting me. During those Army days I was a different person. And I wanted that different person from my past to stay in my past.

Fast forward to the present.

I joined Facebook last month. While searching for names of people I knew, I ran across an old Army buddy. I sent this person a private message titled "I think I know you." I reminded the person of my maiden name and where exactly I thought we had met. If this was the person, I really didn't think they would want to contact me. In a preemptive move I said they didn't have to reply, but left my e-mail address just in case. Two days later and I have not received a reply. I knew this would be the case.

I began to think a lot about the people I had interacted with in my youth and came up with this answer: I don't believe any of my past acquaintances would want to play catch up with me. NOT A PLEASANT THOUGHT.

I have been a lone wolf most of my life never trying to make deep connections with others. I never even try to remember any one's name. Faces I never forget; names never stick in my mind. I have ran from bumping into people in public places because I did not remember their name. When trapped and someone remembers me and I can not for the life of me remember their name, I just play along like I do. My children have shook their heads in utter astonishment at me recounting the past with people whose name I could not recall.

I have dodged people who in the past I was not so pleasant to. They, on the other hand have seemed to have forgotten that I paid little or no attention to them.

Even though I was not necessarily mean or evil in my past, I was young and dumb making one embarrassing mistake after the other. Growing up is such a hands on process and can be very messy. Needless to say, my education in life came through trial and error. And I do not want to bump into errors of my past. To say the least I was past imperfect. I would like it if no one could remember any of those growing pains they witness me going through or were involved in.

So, what about the people in my life today? Well, I'm still a lone wolf not making lasting friendships, but I have slowed down on making mistakes through trial and error. Marriage adds a lot of stability in a life, so does motherhood. Leaving behind your youthful experimenting twenties makes a big difference too.

By the way, that person from my past I contacted, I had to say 'I'm sorry' to them on more than one occasion. I'm sure I left a bad taste in their mouth. I am probably something to them better left in the past.

I believe many of us have been PAST IMPERFECT if we were to really think about it. I am just glad I get a chance to be FUTURE PERFECT or at least BETTER.


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